How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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