I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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