it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
