I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My life is pants optional.
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