dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
