dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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