My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
