the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
