i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
