I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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