Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
