i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
