Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
