Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
