i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
