Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
