is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
