Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we're making bets on your personal life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry about my life...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize