Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
