So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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