In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
