Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
