I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
