not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
