This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
