Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
