i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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