I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
