Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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