So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
