How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
