Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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