When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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