I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize