um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
