drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
