I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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