i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
