Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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