We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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