he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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