Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my poor anus
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
