Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
