please come you make the beer taste better
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I touched a dick in church today
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
