Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
