Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
