No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
