I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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