she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
