My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
