I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
