Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize