I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
