Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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