i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
