At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
