She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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