Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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