I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
