can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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