Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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