He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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