I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Bring me that man meat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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