Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
