Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
