chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
