Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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