covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
