When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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