I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
