She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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