I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
