my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
