I never want to see another naked old woman again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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