Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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