she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
