REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
