Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
