Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
