I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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