I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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