There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
